A Biblical Examination of the Husband's Behaviours Toward His Wife
Pastor David Green
12/04/2011

INTRODUCTION
    Somehow in many Baptist circles, the women have been picked on and criticized much more than the men. Sometimes errors do need to be corrected and sometimes it is necessary to preach about the woman's place in the church, but let us not forget to preach the whole counsel of God.
    Yes, some of the problems in our nation has been because of women being out of their place, but without excusing them, I'd like to point out that many men have neglect their duties as husbands as well.

A LOVING HUSBAND
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it...” (Ephesians 5:25)
    I'd like to point out that God's love for His church does not change over time. It is a never ending love. It is not a love that is conditional on the church's part. It is an unfailing love.   
    Men ought to love their wives in the same way that Christ loves the church – forever, unconditionally, and perfectly. None of us have perfect wives, nor does Jesus have a perfect church. Since love is foundational to a good marriage and it must permeate every thing he does for or with his wife, we will spend more time on this than anything else.

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:13)
    Jesus expressed His love in the greatest way possible – by laying down His life for us. Now, consider for a moment, the fact we did not deserve it. “We love Him, because He first loved us.” (I John 4:19). He loved us that much before we loved Him. He loved us even when we were unlovable. According to our text, we MSUT love our wives the way Christ loves the church. A man ought to love his wife so much that he would be willing to die for her.

So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church.” (Ephesians 5:28-29)
    We are told the husband ought to love his wife even as his own body. In the act of marriage, two become one. And no man, in his right mind, ever hated his own body. No matter how imperfect, deformed, or grotesque a person is they still have a deep love for themselves. That's just the way it is and why there is never a command in scripture to love yourself. It is just natural. And it ought to be just as natural for a man to love his own wife as he does his own body.


Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun.” (Ecclesiastes 9:9)
    Husbands are commanded to live joyfully with the wife they love all the days of their life. Someone might say, “But preacher you don't understand what she is like! You don't understand what an angry moody woman she is!” And maybe she is mean and angry, but you might want to consider your own ways as husband and see if maybe you could improve your actions to make her happier. A husband who does not show love towards his wife with words and actions cannot expect his wife to be anything but mean, angry, and moody.
   
    I have heard of men who refuse even say “I love you” to their wife. I know of men who never do loving things for their wife. These things ought not to be.  Saying you love your wife is a start, but also show it!

"My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth."  (1 John 3:18)

CHARITY 101: HUSBAND EDITION

Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
    Notice some characteristics of love, and while these characteristics apply to everyone, for the sake of this article, we shall expound on these as applicable to a husband:


    If a man isn't loving his wife the way that Christ loves the church then he needs to repent of his rebellion and submit to the clear command of Scriptures!

TRUTH ABOUT HEADSHIP
    Back in the 1600s, there was a theory popular among the tyrants who ruled various countries in Europe called the "divine right of kings" or "divine-right theory of kingship." It was a political and religious doctrine of royal and political legitimacy. It asserted that a monarch is subject to no earthly authority, deriving his right to rule directly from the will of God. The king is thus not subject to the will of his people, the aristocracy, or any other estate of the realm, including any church. The doctrine implies that any attempt to depose the king or to restrict his powers runs contrary to the will of God and may constitute a sacrilegious act.
    Of course, this is not Scriptural.  
The theory was used to justify any action the king might do or not do.  It totally ignored Bible passages such as Romans 13:3-4, which do teach that the king has certain responsibilities. Yet it is an idea popular among some men, even some Baptists, who believe that since they are the head of the house, they can tell their woman anything and she has to do it. If she refuses, no matter her ground, she is said to be a disobedient and unfit wife.  Tyrants have no place as king or pastor, nor do they have any place as husband.   Notice: 

Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ..... But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” (1 Corinthians 11:1, 3)
    Husbands, remember that you are subject to Christ. You are not above service, and one day you must answer to Him. It is a fact that the husband is the head of the house, but he is not to rule over her as a king does his subjects or a master does his slaves. His countenence must be friendly, his language to her must be mild and respectful. His reproofs should be gentle. Love should permeate everything about the husband's behavior towards his wife.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord..... Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” (Ephesians 5:22, 24)
    It is a fact that the Bible teaches women are to submit to their own husbands. Is this to mean that if he says to her to quit praying, or to go out and prostitute herself on the street that she must obey? Absolutely not! If it is something forbidden by God's Word, then she must disobey him, following the principle of Acts 5:29, “...We ought to obey God rather than men.” I would remind my reader that only God is worthy of total and complete obedience. No man, ruler, king, pastor, or husband is totally infallible and worthy of total and complete obedience. The man who would demand such is in a most dangerous position very similar to the sin of Lucifer who said I will be like the most High.” (See Isaiah 14:12-15)


For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.”  (1 Peter 3:5-6)
    Sara called Abraham lord, but study all of the information about their lives together (and there is a lot of it) and you'll never find an instance where he treated her like his servant, or even demanded that he be called lord. He was not an overbearing tyrant, but a loving husband to her and she respected him for that!
    I have very little patience and no respect for any man who would abuse a woman, whether it be physically or mentally. As I stated earlier, so I will repeat it again, there is not one ounce of Scripture to back up or give grounds for any kind of abuse to a woman. Any man who would spank his wife, ground her, put her in the corner, hit her, threaten her, etc is not in love with his wife and is in gross error of the Scriptures.
    My daughter is much too young for a relationship with a man as of the time of this writing, but woe to the man who would DARE touch her and I find out about it. He will regret the day he ever did anything to her!
    I would further say that any woman who is in an abusive relationship ought to get out of it and SHAME on ANY preacher who would tell her to stay in it! Unless there is repentance, verbal abuse will turn into physical abuse and physical abuse will turn into murder.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.” (1 John 4:18)
    Many a woman lives in fear because of their husband. This ought not to be. Again, using the example of Christ loving the church, we must remember that our Lord is gracious when we make mistakes, sin, and fall short of His expectations. Why then do some men think they are doing good when they make their wife to live in so much fear? God does not make our lives totally miserable when we fail. Neither should any husband make his wife live in total misery because of her failure (or what he may view as failure.)

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.” (1 Peter 3:7)
    Under all false systems of religion, the woman has been regarded as worthy of little honor or respect. She has been considered as a slave, or as a mere instrument to gratify the passions of man. It is one of the elementary doctrines of Christianity, however, that woman is to be treated with respect. Husbands ought to honor their wives!
    Remember, the woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved. God's word is clear on this!

CONCLUSION

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.”  (Proverbs 18:22)
    A wife is a blessing from the Lord. Let all husbands everywhere see that his wife is treated the way Christ would have us to treat her.

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